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In a narcissistic parenting relationship, the child is rarely loved just for being herself or himself.
Numerous studies have been conducted on the subject of narcissistic parenting and its impact on offspring.
― Anonymous A narcissistic parent can be defined as someone who lives through, is possessive of, and/or engages in marginalizing competition with the offspring.
Typically, the narcissistic parent perceives the independence of a child (including adult children) as a threat, and coerces the offspring to exist in the parent’s shadow, with unreasonable expectations.
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The offspring exists merely to serve the selfish needs and machinations of the parent(s). The following are ten telltale signs, with references from my books “How to Successfully Handle Narcissists” and "A Practical Guide for Narcissists to Change Towards the Higher Self" .
While some parents may exhibit a few of the following traits at one time or another, which might not be a major issue, a pathologically narcissistic parent tends to dwell habitually in several of the following personas, while remaining largely unaware of (or unconcerned with) how these behaviors affect one’s offspring.* 1.
The underlying messages may be: “I am/my life is so special and interesting,” and “Look at ME – I have what you don’t have! Manipulation Common examples of narcissistic parenting manipulation include: Guilt trip: “I’ve done everything for you and you’re so ungrateful.” Blaming: “It’s your fault that I’m not happy.” Shaming: “Your poor performance is an embarrassment to the family.” Negative comparison: “Why can’t you be as good as your brother?
” Unreasonable pressure: “You WILL perform at your best to make me proud.” Manipulative reward and punishment: “If you don’t pursue the college major I chose for you, I will cut off my support.” Emotional coercion: “You’re not a good daughter/son unless you measure up to my expectations.” A common theme running through these forms of manipulation is that love is given as a conditional reward, rather than the natural expression of healthy parenting.