And to the degree that is the expectation and the measure, we simply won’t end up looking very good. Have you allowed “please” and “thank you” to drop from your conversations with each other? Have you stopped running to give him a hug when he comes home? Clean up the house, make breakfast in bed, wash the others’ car, bring home his/her favorite CD or book.
You have to be devoted to marriage itself, as an institution, perhaps as much as to the person you’re married to. When was the last time you told your spouse you loved and appreciated him/her? By serving with a willing heart, out of a desire to do something kind for the other, you develop greater love and compassion for that person. If there’s not adequate quantity, there will not likely be much quality time available to spend. So work on your patience, compassion, forgiveness, selflessness, humility and love.
Following are 12 principles that I’ve found to be very effective (when, of course, I’ve been consistent at applying them! Accepting the idea that marriage is not a Disney happily-ever-after movie, will help open the door to a life that can be richly rewarding. Hug and hold hands, open doors, leave notes for each other and give back rubs and shoulder massages.
Real life, after all, can’t compete with the Disney true-love, soul-mate fantasy. So the best way to keep the flame of love from dying is to keep it alive. Don’t get lazy and start throwing your underwear in the corner of the room or leave hair in the sink. Treat each other as though you were deeply in love, and you’ll likely remain deeply in love. Feelings make sense to the person feeling them (usually). And respect is a necessary component to sustained love.
They’ve discovered the simple solution that always works — action.
My approach e Book contains straightforward examples and anxiety exercises to try right now. You wouldn’t expect to know how to play a piano by thinking about playing.
You would sit down, place your hands on the keys, and practice your ass off. You can shoot the shit with close friends and family because you’ve interacted with them many times.
That way, in those trying times, there will be some holding power. When was the last time you played a board game or had a tickle fight or took a walk around the block hand in hand? And you inspire in that person an appreciation for your service, the sense that they are, in fact, loved. The more of such traits that you have, the greater your capacity to love. Craig Giorgiana, we all have one of three primary love languages.
Don’t let the little things slide or you’ll likely have a bigger mess to clean up later. If you put your spouse at the end of every list, your marriage will be at the end of the list too. Selfishness and pride are the twin destroyers of love. Forcing others into your particular preferred mode of communication is a losing proposition.