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I struggled to find relatable personas within the Caribbean culture too.

Hearing the words ‘chi-chi man’ or ‘batty man’ in Jamaican reggae or hip hop songs, or hearing people use the word ‘gay’ as an insult or put-down, made me shy away from my sexuality even further.

It’s a scenario that reeks of the continued predatory and racist behaviors we often experience at the hands of many white gay men in and out of the Pn P scene,” Yolo Akili Robinson, founder and CEO of Black Emotional and Mental Health (, an interviewee named Michael shares how he was introduced to meth by a wealthy white man.According to Michael, the man offered him large sums of money to fulfill his “fetish”: “to fuck his [drug] dealer.” When Michael took the man up on the offer, he was given “do-rags,” a “gold grille,” “three pounds of crystal,” and a list of the man’s friends, along with instructions to “fuck them and give them shit [crystal meth].” Michael recognizes the power imbalance that comes when “wealthy, rich Park Avenue white motherfuckers” (as they’re referred to by another interviewee) exchange meth for sex with Black men.The “white man knows that people who are giving themselves away know that they can’t afford it [meth],” says another interviewee, “and this is the only way they can afford it.” “When you get there,” Michael recounts, referring to hook-ups usually mediated by apps like Grindr, Scruff, or Adam4Adam, “you think you’ve got them wrapped around your finger because you are this Black boy with a big dick.Maybe this is down to a long history of mistreatment and repression; maybe we feel there is a need to assert our strength and authority in a world that has constantly tried to pit us as unequal.However, this mentality directly opposes the general stereotype of homosexuals, as people who embrace their femininity. I searched for a gay role model that looked and acted similar to myself, but had no luck finding one.

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