Dating and marrying korean men
As a young woman, I kept wondering about how I should act, and how much of myself I should show men.
It’s strange: In struggling, I sometimes found myself trying to do is more explicit; it’s acting in a cute, flirty way, usually with funny faces, shrugging one’s shoulders and shaking one’s head in a child-like way, or often answering questions in a higher-pitched voice.
Many men approached me, expressing an interest in my outgoing personality. But sooner or later, they started to complain about things that energize my life, what I think are important, like interacting with people and having fun at interesting social gatherings. The biggest source of complaint was the irony of men applying different standards on their female friends and “girlfriend.” Some guys I knew loved hanging out with girls whom they called cool and funny — for example, girls who could drink two bottles of soju straight.
For example, if a guy asked me how many bottles of soju I could drink, I would say “half a bottle” instead of “two bottles.” That would be me “doing in the proper way. (I had already been working for several years by then.) We dated over a year. I was in love, of course, but what was happening to me?I realized that I might have forced myself until then to be this independent, outgoing girl with an “optimistic character,” fixing problems by myself without relying on my man.Maybe I had been trying to prove something, in this society where people expect girls to be quiet and submissive. I wish I could say my realization brought me complete freedom from gender norms or expectations of others, but it didn’t.” “Do you really have to go to all those social gatherings? They wanted to date a girl who was smart and independent enough to handle her own life, but also dependent enough to respect when faced with difficulties.You can see this contradictory expectation in female heroines of many K-dramas.